She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
