K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
