My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
