His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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