dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
