and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
