He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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