He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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