community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
