Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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