It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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