would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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