Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
