Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
