you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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