dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
