obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
