Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
