Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I stole a fireplace last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
