I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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