We named our party play list daddy issues
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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