So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
