I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
