bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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