It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My cat gives me a boner
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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