Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
