We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
