In the future we'll all be gay
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
