He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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