I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
