so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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