I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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