mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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