Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They took my balls.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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