I got chris browned last night
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
