"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
