Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
