I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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