I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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