Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
