Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
