im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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