Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
