All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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