miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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