Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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