I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
