goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
