She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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