if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
