Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
