i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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