p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
