tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A+ Viking dick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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