Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
