I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
