naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
