The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
