38 yer olds are good kisserssss
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
