we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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