Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
