I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
