K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we're so committed to being not committed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
