I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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