it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
