I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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