There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize