i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
