that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
