There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
