I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
