I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
