just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
