The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
