I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
