my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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