The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
