Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The feeling are messing with the penis
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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