Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish you could order shots online.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
