how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
