So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
