I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
