i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
