i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
