so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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