Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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