apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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