the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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