I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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