I can tuck mytits in my pants
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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