had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
