Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
