She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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