Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
