I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
