I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
people are starting to question the shark bite story
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
