I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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